This text was written on the 31st of December 2019, however editing and publishing was delayed until now.
At exactly the same time every year (a day before the new year), I am inspired to give an audit report of the previous year, all the lesson I’ve learnt, things I’m still working on and Goals for the future.
This year like every other, I am inspired to reflect on my year. However, unlike previous years this time I’m not only reflecting on the past year, but also the past decade. In my moments of meditation and reflection I see how God has been so intentional in my life. (Don’t worry I’ll let you in on the mind blowing epiphany)
First I’ll start with the biggest lesson of the year LOVE! It may seem like what I’ve always written about, however apart from love being the true essence of life, I journeyed into a new realisation of love that I had never experienced before. God was intentional by allowing me experience this love actively from January 2019 all the way to the end of the year and pray beyond. I experienced a type of love that expected nothing from me, was unassuming, patient, forgiving and accepting of its wrong. The source of this love was far from perfect and was no divinity lol; I fought the source of this love because after seeing so much potential of perfection, I started to see flaws. I wanted this source of love to be divine but it was coming from a human being just like me.
When God opened my eyes to see that I was seeing faults in someone who didn’t focus on my flaws, I was reminded of the fact that humans are flawed and only God is perfect. Therefore the test of true love is seeing the perfection in the imperfection of those we love.
“the test of true love is seeing the perfection in the imperfection of those we love. “
God never gave me the heart to stop loving this person, but constantly opened my eyes to the kindness they exhibited to me constantly even when I made them feel like they were not enough. I then started to see my own imperfections and I began to wander the flaws they had to endure for my sake. I realised how guarded and somewhat stuck up I had seemingly become trying to protect myself from hurting again. But then I learnt forgiveness, to forgive those I love for the imperfections they struggle with and most importantly to forgive myself for allowing me go through so much hurt.
Now this brings me to my second point. Exactly a decade ago, I was a young teenager finishing college and getting ready for university. In this period I experienced my first ever Heartbreak and my emotions from then on was an endless roller coaster journey. For the next three to four years I felt like things couldn’t get any worse emotionally and I knew nothing about controlling my emotions. I felt like at every corner, my emotions betrayed me as it allowed itself to be toyed with and manipulated, it affected a lot of things in my life and how I viewed life generally. After the fourth year, I saw God taking me on a journey. The journey to rediscover my identity, I then began writing and documenting the lessons learnt while finding purpose through life’s experience.
Now 10 years after that experience I feel a sense of liberation, hope, the joy that true love still exists but not in the fairy tale way I thought as a kid, but that it exist in day to day consistency, respect, kindness, willingness to help each other be better versions of our selves and total acceptance of one another. Knowing that I am worthy of being loved in truth and knowing I am also capable of truly loving.
Knowing that I don’t have to humanize the responsibility of perfection because God kept that for himself so that I should have no other god besides him. That the “1st Corinthians 13” love is very possible and one can score 7 out of 7; but achieving that is a compound process and the scoring points might not be the same every day, but with the aid of forgiveness, repentance, reconciliation and reevaluation, it is attainable through out your process/ journey.
With this weapon in my arsenal (which is God’s greatest gift for mankind- LOVE) I know I’m ready for his purpose in the new year and in the coming decade.
Congratulations to my mama because as we ended the decade a new one just started for her as she celebrated her 60th and Congratulations to my dad, because as we enter the new decade he also celebrates a new decade of his life at 70.
See! I told you God is always so intentional in my life and he connects all the dots.
I LOVE YOU GOD. NOW ALWAYS AND FOREVER.