The concept of love is one that has not truly been assimilated by Humans. We often trivialise how much power love actually has and how important it is in fuelling life and society at large.
Love is the most powerful weapon in life and its antidote, itself. When harnessed wrongly it could be very destructive but when properly understood and effectively utilised, it brings life in all scenes of it.
A Family is the origin of any given society. This is a fact that we might all know, but I would like to delve deeper into this simply complex statement by reaching to the origin of Family – LOVE.
It starts of with a magnetic reaction influenced by one’s senses, which over time erupts unexplainable feelings for a person.
We then act on these feelings establishing relationships, which on some occasions evolve into marriages. At this point, children come in and the institution of a home is built. Individuals from these homes are purged back into society.
What most times we forget about the circle of life is that it all started from Love. From Adam and Eve his Rib. Men and Women alike often get distracted by challenges influenced by a loveless society, allow it infiltrate their homes, and in return manufacture products of lovelessness that are purged back into society. I’ll break this down with some practical examples.
A Typically Traditional African man in marriage expects his wife to be emotionally mute, not to bother about matters of emotions as she might be perceived as too needy or weak, but rather to concern herself with the welfare of the home. Her emotions must be controlled to avail him the stress of worrying about or caring for her emotionally needs after all everyday he goes to work and provides for her and he is faced with so much responsibilities and challenges that he has no time for “petty emotions”, (the foundation- love again is neglected)
His understanding of submission, is a wife that does what he says when he says it and how he says it. Causing a gap in intimacy and affection. When children are born into such conditions, they accept that environment as the norm. Thereby producing individuals who are not sensitive to others or even their own emotional needs. We then ask ourselves why NIGERIA is filled with nonchalant and corrupt political leaders.
This alone does not apply to African men, but the women alike. The notion that in order to survive in a marriage you must supress your emotions and tolerate all intolerable vices; is one that perplexes me. Society has turned women to be insecure of their emotions making them carry so much anger under the guise of extreme feminism and the illusion of strength.
It simply means you must alter your natural human alignment to be able to habit in a certain condition called marriage. Eventually, this would cause the mutation of one’s person, which would be genetically transferred to the children. For example in terms of, Cheating, verbal and non-verbal abuse, etc. African women are thought that men are polygamous in nature and so should accept it if not they’ll remain single trying to find a faithful man. (I personally disagree on this as nothing in the teachings of creation Biblically or scientifically can prove this. Rather based on study of human behaviour, through the superiority bestowed on men as opposed to women who are the weaker breed, has caused men to feel entitled to cheating and being abusive. This also applies to governance, or even in relation to women in superior positions. When people are put in a position of authority, man or woman, the hostile nature of their humans nature cause them to act ultra vires. We’ll save this topic for another time!).
We fail to understand that Humans are emotional and territorial in Nature, asking anyone to accept cheating or any other form of abuse is altering the person’s natural composition and as a result we get a lot of pretentious and dishonest people. A hostile environment (whether it is physical, emotional, verbal or psychological) produces hostile people and this affects the children also. In return many fake religious houses gain audience, we lose our sense of Transparency, Individuality and Honesty in our society, which stems from the leaders to little children engaging in all sort and every body in-between.
To create a better society, it is important to go back to the foundation (LOVE) and always remember that the home you build should stand on this solid foundation. Love is so important as it is the greatest commandment. The bible goes further to instruct men to love their wives, for women to be submissive to their husbands, and the same transferred to children. A man picks his wife; as a reaction of creation it a man’s duty to find his rib, and when he finds it to care for, nurture and adore that part of him that had been lost and in return for a woman to adore be loyal and submissive to her source of life or the rib that formed her. This is then reflected in their relationship with each other and ultimately reflected in the lives of their children who wholesomely release it back into the society.
The anger, lack of contentment, greed, violence, lack of leadership, manage mentality, poverty mentality are all reflections of the norms or traditions Africans have adopted. If tradition conflicts with God/ spirituality, then it must be thrown away as most of them where built on selfish interest and doctrines. The English where barbarians, America like Nigeria is an integration of various cultures. But the reasons the western world has evolved is because they let go of the barbarism and traditions that suffocates unity and rather embraced the importance of Love and humanitarianism which is the true concept of spirituality. Nevertheless, However much the western world has grown we know they still have their challenges and often time also forget the foundation of their growth.
How then do you show love when it is simply a feeling?
Communication: is the process of giving and receiving information to enable one better understand and apply a subject matter and it is the most important tool to feeding love. It does not just amount to what you say or don’t say, but how you say it or don’t.
You can’t love someone expecting him or her to receive the love however you serve it, rather by understanding their essence through naked and effective communication; communicating your love for them in ways they are certain and able to appreciate your passionate expressions. Just like the love of God is always evident in our lives we can’t be confused about his love for us. Even through trying times. And in reciprocation we honour and reverence Him (Just as a wife submits, honours and reverences her husband).
The idea of a woman to laud a man she loves is not strange absurd or to be abused it should be greatly appreciated.
Children are bi-products of the type of homes they are from, they subconsciously reflect characteristics they absorb from their homes; except it rear circumstances and through the grace of God they are enlightened with a consciousness to do better.
Love is the essence of humanity,
However True Love is a mysterious thing and finding it isn’t as easy as it seems. Unknown to many the quest of love and the need to be loved could be one of the many cause of depression, insomnia, hormonal disorder etc.