ANXIETY

Hi Royals! it has been a very challenging couple of weeks for my writing, having expirienced the famous “writer’s block”. Thank God I am back now with lots of positive emotions for my exquisite audience.

For the longest time it has been in my heart to write on this topic, but for some strange reasons putting the puzzle together seemed challenging up until an encounter with a friend of mine that complained of sweaty palms, which i believe is attributable to anxiety or nervousness. That conversation brought a nostalgic feeling and all of a sudden the puzzle was complete. This piece is going to be pretty emotional and to the best of my ability informative also.

When the idea of writing on Anxiety came to me initially, I was in a “situation-ship” with a certain young man, he had just come out of a pretty bad relationship and we sort of found our way to each other. He seemed to tick a lot of boxes for me in terms of what I desired in an ideal lifetime partner. He was tall, good-looking, Godly, seemed romantic initially and so much more. I honestly believed that we were establishing a great friendship laced with pure and natural emotions.

However he had a lot he was struggling with at the time and he also made it pretty difficult for me to be therefore him through those struggles. It seemed that every time I tried to get close, he kept taking steps back as though he was more deeply enchanted by his challenges than the possibility of letting me establish a deeper sense of relationship with him.

As a result of the emotional strain and uncertainty, I went into a mildly depressed state, however considering my previous battles with depression I avoided making the same mistakes that I made in the past, by soliciting happiness from other people. Instead I took time out to cry and pray extensively. I openly and honestly asked God why people, mostly those I have connected with emotionally would continually take advantage of my love and care, why people seemed to be one way at first and eventually turn into the complete opposite. I wanted to understand most especially why I was so emotional and why failed relationships almost always put me in a state of depression.

In the course of my prayers, the answer finally came. ANXIETY. The problem for years that kept fuelling a negative strain on my emotions was anxiety. I would explain further how I came to this realisation, but first I would like to speak a little on what anxiety actually is and using my short story, as an example of how anxiety can cause a ripple effect on emotions that ought to be positive.

Anxiety may be defined as a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome. Every human being experiences anxiety for one reason or the other. As humans, from time to time we tend to worry about various things whether financial, emotional, academic and even sometime spirituality. A lot of things also make us nervous, such as job applications or interviews, business proposals, proposing to a girl or starting a family with someone, expressing your true feelings about certain things and many others. I believe that we can all relate to one or more of these and can also give various examples of our own.

However these anxieties can easily become excessive. Some people if not most, have one of more phobias. These are deep routed fears that cause us to panic abnormally and can as a result, affect out day-to-day living. This is when anxiety becomes a disorder.

For me I though the only phobia I had was an irrational fear for cats, which is also a sign of anxiety, however as a result of prayers, meditations and eventually research, I realised that I had a greater phobia for rejection and heart break. One of my key aspirations in life is to be able to build a prefect home. Nevertheless, my first few experience of heartbreak did more damage than I thought. As a result of those experiences, I started to believe that there where certain traits that would come before someone actually broke your heart and one of those traits was distance.

Distance to me simply meant someone stopped doing what they did initially while they where trying to get you to like them and as a result and indication of lost interest, respect and value for the receiver. Once I started to see these traits, I would panic and start living the heartbreak before it actually happens and as a result I would end the relationship, friendship or situation-ship as the case may be. This always left me so drained, sad and emotionally frustrated because I constantly lived in uncertainty and caused great difficulty in expressing my truest thoughts to who ever it concerned. I was never able to wrap my head around any reasonable reasons for why a man would distance himself when he cares for a woman. Seeing relationships where the men seemed to be constantly chasing their partners and the girls being the tough ones didn’t help my situation either (although you never know what truly goes on in peoples relationship except your in it).

Eventually, I learnt that there is no set formula to how a relationship is established, everyone has their story and I do not always have to control whatever emotional situation I find myself in. the fear of the outcome of a relationship does not affect the actual outcome of that relationship. In life, what will be will always be and all you can do is put in your best to ensure that you achieve the best out of whatever situation you find yourself in. The only thing you can control in life is your action; we have no control of other people’s actions or how they interpret your action. This applies not only to emotional worries, but any thing that worries you as a human being, thereby affecting your happiness, daily living and interaction with people.

Meditation for me has proved to be the deepest and truest remedy to anxiety, I equate it to personal therapy, as it allows you search deep within your self, answering questions that enable you trace the source of your anxiety and there by creating a point of contact to overcome, break down and conquer the root of your deepest fears.

That is why this prayer is very important.

“Lord, give me the ability/ strength to change the things I can

The grace to accept the things I cannot change

And

The wisdom to know the difference”.

 

Certain scriptures also helped through this process, but my favourite is from the 1st book of Peter 5: 6-7

“ And God will exalt you in due time, if you humble yourselves under his hand, by casting all your care (worriers, anxieties) on him because he cares for you.”

For anyone not so sure if there are experiencing an anxiety disorder, I would recommend reading this article 12 Signs You May Have an Anxiety Disorder: by AMANDA MACMILLAN May 27, 2016

 

And read as many materials you can find on the topic. Don’t forget the bible is the best reference point.

 outfit by: ASJ MODE

 

 

 

 

Thanks for walking this journey with me love ASJ

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