While working towards being the best possible versions of ourselves. It is very important for us to periodically conduct what is called a Personal Audit: Take time out to honestly reflect on where we have been, where we are now and where we want to be. This is something I have been trying to do over the past couple of months.
‘loud’, ’emotional’ , ‘intense’ and sometimes even ‘contentious’.
As a lady I have been referred to as ‘loud’, ’emotional’ , ‘intense’ and sometimes even ‘contentious’. Initially labels like this offended me. But with time I realised, all these labels combined to form who I was / am – A Strong black woman. A woman who is fearless and not easily intimidated. A passionate woman unapologetic in pursuit of what sets her soul on fire.
However, there was a flip-side: I harboured embarrassing thoughts towards my overly candid and sometimes loud expressions of passion. I was at a crossroad: One part of me was proud of being a strong woman. The other part, worried that my personality was a tad overbearing. So I prayed about it and I asked God to make me more “lady-like”. With time I realised that being soft spoken and subtle helped me communicate with people better and made me more relatable to most. Although, when I felt I was not being heard or I was being taken for granted I lost my cool and I got defensive. I guess the subtleness had its threshold.
Then finally it dawned on me. I am who I am, a coin with two sides. Those meant to be in my life will understand me and my peculiarities. While those that do not get me do not belong in my life. Coming to this level of awareness of my self- worth has given me so much confidence in truly pursuing my dreams and not letting people’s opinion of me determine my approach. The reason I am writing this post is to help inspire all the beautiful strong ladies out there going through some level of self-doubt because people cannot handle your fire.
I will be the first to admit that this is easier said than done. However, I also realised that I was not alone and I could always count on God through his word for guidance and understanding. Here are a few bibles passages that helped shape my mindset. ”
Zephaniah 3:14-15 Sing aloud, O daughter of Zion; shout, O Israel! Rejoice and exult with all your heart, O daughter of Jerusalem! ” “Proverbs 31:8Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute.”
” The woman Folly is loud; she is undisciplined and without knowledge. (Proverbs 9:13) She is loud and defiant, her feet never stay at home (Proverbs 7:11)”
” Proverbs 17:28 – Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent”
To my understanding when your in a position of worship, or in defence of the less privilege and you speak up with passion, it is understandable to be loud or audible. However this does not excuse a loud nature for a woman. It can be seen as a sign of lack of discipline and waywardness.
On that note, when we are surrounded with loud people or a loud woman; it is not necessarily helpful to make her feel unreasonable for being loud. Such aggressive criticisms may result to anger and rebellion as I believe that most people that are expressive in a loud tone tend to also be emotional and passionate. A loving approach in letting such a person know that you hear and feel them without them having to raise their voice, can go a longer way to calming and encouraging them.
Thank you very much as you walk this journey with me.
With Love, ASJ.
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