How To Love Right

An introduction from love

I am LOVE. The true essence of living.

If the world where to be perfect, everyone would see me with straight eyes and I’d probably be the most valued and protected entity in the world.


The world we live in is wicked and very dark, its mission; to destroy who I am and all I am about. So Instead of the nurturing, I am cheated on, called weak, lied to, use as a temporary source of enjoyment, walked over, enslaved and people are ashamed of me.

The “Play hard” theory:

“You care too much; or at least you show it too much. “


“Men like to chase after women; they like to be given a though time before they get the girl.”


“They like to be treated badly, that’s the only thing that’ll keep them coming back. “


“Don’t pick up their calls.”


“Don’t reply their messages; it’ll keep them interested.”


“Don’t Love them until your 100% sure they love you 1st.”

The lesson

I have learnt a lot from my past failed relationships and I feel blessed that I experienced them because they helped me identify my faults, causing me to improve myself and my relationship with others. They also helped me understand my value more and what I want in a happy relationship.

In many ways the “play hard” theory is true. Personally it worked temporarily for guys I had no real interest in; however they too got tired and also went on their merry way. So I asked a friend who subconsciously plays a love game abiding by these rule. She told me honestly that it does not make much of a difference. When you eventually start to show your essence as a woman, when you crown him your king; if he never truly cared his true character would start to show, and it would no longer matter how much he fought to get you, but the important thing to him would be that He came, He saw and He conquered. JOB DONE!

So why do we play games to be loved or to show love, or at least why can’t one of these methods work? How do people in loving marriages get there?

I spoke to an older friend who is forever on a honeymoon stage with her husband. She told me that they face their own challenges, but the love they share so fearlessly helps them work.

They learnt from each other,

They changed naturally and adjusted to each other,

They are real and honest with each other

And they were and still are both “willing” to make things work.

She says; no matter what be who you are, your soul mate would love you for all that you are. Your faults would not deter him, instead it would be for him the challenge that a loving man craves, and when he conquers your faults to the best of his abilities, he would be proud of the woman he helped you become and the man you’ve helped him become in return.

Every relationship must have purpose and not excuses. If a man does not love you enough to; consider, or be willing to make you his wife; He probably never loved you enough.

So why do men come into the lives of women when they have no intentions of loving her?

Some men say they do not think of marriage at the beginning and it takes a lot to get there, but personally I believe they are just ruled by the fear of seeming weak. I have met men that only wanted a physical sexual experience and I’ve met men who would want to experience a more intimate relationship.

So except a man while luring a woman shows his intentions as wholly or substantially sexual, it is most likely that the destination of a relationship filled with depth, attraction and genuine interest in the woman would lead to love if both parties allow it.

Some men say it’s because they are not financially stable they are unable to love (more excuses), Proverbs 18: 22 “He who finds a wife finds a good thing,
and obtains favour from the Lord.”

If you claim to love a woman but you say you can’t be with her because you’re not financially dependable, then darling you’re probably running away from your speedy breakthrough. A good woman does not judge you based on your current situation, but see’s the potential of who you can and will become. It is the pride of every good woman to be a part of her man’s growth and development. No woman wants a broke man, but a good woman would also love to grow with her man. She can get through the rough times with him, pray for him and support him as he reaches his potential.

Some men also say they are scared of hurting you and would rather let you go than put you through the emotional heartache. This is one of the most intelligent excuses guys use in getting out of commitments; it buys them their freedom with a little pity party on the side (clean break). Holly Sidell in her article, “what it really means when a guy says he’s scared” explains the logistics behind this well played card. Just to borrow a few notes from her analysis on Matthew Hussey’s relationship advice.

“…Probably only 1 out of every 10 guys who uses that excuse is even telling the truth about being scared. 

…He said using that excuse as a reason for breaking up is a Jedi mind trick that guys play on women, because it gives them an easy out; they get to walk away and get sympathy!”

…And regarding the guy that really is telling the truth and has so much fear and so many issues around commitment, the question Hussey asks is, “Do you really want to be involved with a guy with that much emotional baggage anyways?” But, I’d like to take it one step further from that and suggest that even that guy doesn’t really mean it. Because if a guy is into you, no matter how scared he is, he won’t run — he’ll stick around and try to work through it, because his love for you and need to have you in his life trumps his fear.”

Need I say more?

So how do we love?



John 3: 16For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

The Master of LOVE in His word teaches us how to Love. (“The Love Test”)

Love is patient, 

Love is kind,

It does not envy,

It does not boast,

It is not proud.

It does not dishonour others,

It is not self-seeking (selfish, “I need to take care of me 1st), 

It is not easily angered, 

It keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth,

It always protects,

Always trusts,

Always hopes,

Always perseveres.

1st Corinthians 13: 4-7

Verse 8 goes on to say; “Love never fails, but where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.”

My interpretation: Don’t let other people’s opinions affect your relationships and when you discover you are truly in love, don’t lose it to fear and the true LOVE you feel will never fail you.

Hurt is inevitable, those we love hurt us almost every other day, but the true gift is in having someone that loves you enough with a desire to take the hurt away and make everything better.

Let us remember that no one is prefect not even in love. Only God has an excellent result of (14/14) on the Love test.

So I score (7/14) that’s a pass and I’m only half way there.

What do you score?

God bless us with great partners that will be willing to join us on this great journey of love

Thank you very much as you walk this journey with me.

With Love, ASJ.

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